I, too, would like a hat of Morton's Salt.

Can't I just be a foreign member of the foreign press?

Just the kind of outside-the-box choice this administration could use!

There should be a giant concert of everyone not playing the inauguration.

John Teti, games guy doesn't know that Headlanders is a game?!

Tearing out the speakers reduces the resale value!

Josh Modell, wearing a gaffer tape T on his chest, talking about things being tacky.

It's true. They've been saying that about him for his entire career.

Why are you so racist against White males? You're the only one saying they're the only ones who can be racist.

No, it is. Unless you mean the part about you being a White male.

I'm gonna drop so many burns on you, you're gonna be chard!

Shun, yes. Fear? Ehhhh…

You should expect EVERY kind of bullshit from United.

Or that she got a Muslim kicked off a plane.

I love that his justification is that you know he's being serious because he filmed it one his phone.

I'm going to beet you to death, you hear me!

Unfortunately, it hit an arrow which was lodged there.

Schroedinger's Celebrity.

Little did you know back in those days you'd be living in the distant future of 2016 and non-ironically asking, "Why's the Rums gone?"

But of course. How could I forget?