What about Chester A. Arthur? Or do his sideburns count separately from the mustache?

"Redundancy has its virtues."
-Shia Labeouf

How about reading and commenting on an article about said insults?

You sunk my RV!

You could skip the step of waiting to see what edition it is. If someone asks if you want to play Monopoly, just cut out the middleman and have a knife fight. That's how your family Monopoly games end up, right?

Wouldn't it be funny if Rolling Stone settled, like, 5 lawsuits right now?

Even if it was, that would be their fucking fault anyway. The term "oversold situation" is trying to weasel out of saying "we sold more tickets that we were going to honor." It's not their fault, it was the situation (that they created)!

I'm sorry you suffered delays and/or bodily harm due to our draconian policies. Thanks for flying United!

Er, uh, well… eh, in light of these new facts, of which I now realize I was largely aware, I must take action.

Just stating the obvious here, but the Holocaust is kind of the Gold Standard in Bad Things That Happened. Good news everyone, it could have been worse!

You know, there's a little place called Mary Ann's Holocaust. The nice thing about that place is Mary Ann gets in the Holocaust Center with you

I always suspected that other countries had different ice cream flavors than us, but Germany's BoobEis was really enjoyable!

I actually bought the one I mentioned. I'm not sure if I got as far as looking at the game pieces before I realized that I fucking hate Monopoly, regardless whether I'm buying Marvin Gardens or the Mos Eisley Cantina.

Is there a product more given to instant buyers' remorse than a themed Monopoly set? I ask as the owner of a Star Wars Monopoly set from the late 90's that I don't think has ever been played.

The best (worst) thing about it are the terrible slang terms they come up with to avoid being "filthy." I've seen a condom referred to as a "dong sarong" and a dick as "man's soul pole," both terms that no human has ever uttered, except when reading the answers aloud from the studio audience.

McNabb doesn't have a very good handle on the rules of football. He was ready to take the field for a 6th quarter in a regular season game 10-12 years ago. Although ties are rare, the QB should know that they're possible.

I'm looking forward to that game for a different reason - It's a showdown of 2 of the NFL's clock-management…what's the opposite of Machiavelli?

They did have a hit song with "Yellow." I'll allow it.

Agreed. If there was a choreographer for Lando's stomp-and-clap move in the background, they should be fired…30 years ago.

You sound bummed out. Here, look at this photograph. Every time I do, it makes me laugh.