This may be verging on too much information, but my bowel movements were never more regular than in the months I spent in China.

Chinese Muslim (Hui) food kicks almost every other cuisine’s ass. Yang ruo chuar and naan are awesome.

Actually, she’s just a simple country hyperchicken.

BOOM!

Phrasing!

Everything’s going wrong.

Still not as impressive as Montalban’s chest

I actually thought it was a dream sequence until I saw the comments here afterward.

Stilettos are a no-no.

Mine are named “Bacon” and “Avocado.”

There’s only one kind of man who could play Belushi:

We can weirdo freak—together.

He doesn’t know why, but he wanted to get something out of it!

You can listen to classical and be better than everybody.

Who are these people and why should I continue not caring about them?

It was her first mate!

Well we are at sea

Unlicensed Able Seamen

Not just rear admiral, but rear admiral (lower half)

BANNED!