An intriguing list, but I feel like I can't take this dude seriously after this paragraph:

Because those shows suck and have about as much personality as a brick made out of shit.

Mull on it for a bit.  How would you accelerate without traction?

You should be able to slow yourself down the same way you sped yourself up.

In contrast, I do have a horse in this race.  I use horses for both.

Yeah, but…do imports not count?  They probably work as well as local blurays for the most part.

Well, until you float out of the atmosphere and die of either asphyxiation, hypothermia, or depressurization.

I thought they only aired 2 because of dead horses.

Unconventionally low, but I like it.

C2) Bang your hot coworker right there on the food.

This is very important: What type of bucks were they?  Canadian, American?  Antelope, deer?  Rogers, Grangerfeld?

The resemblance is uncanny.

What he doesn't pay monetarily, he pays temporally.

Man, my life feels so tame compared to the rest of you guys.

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I think you're getting ripped off on the Jaguars-Jets game.

Because the people who hang around TVBN are the kind of weird fuckers who like to "gloat" about the ratings performance of their favorite shows, and shows with high ratings tend to appeal to the lowest common denominator (hence, high ratings).

Because the people who hang around TVBN are the kind of weird fuckers who like to "gloat" about the ratings performance of their favorite shows, and shows with high ratings tend to appeal to the lowest common denominator (hence, high ratings).

None of it translates well, in any form of communication.

None of it translates well, in any form of communication.