It's true
Indie artists are normally only guilty of self-abuse.

I'm sorry Bob but you just did an excellent job proving my point. You get half credit for catching yourself and realizing that Miranda conveys a fifth amendment right to counsel during interrogations. What you didn't acknowledge is that once a suspect invokes this right, Edwards v. Arizona requires that cops…

Denny's provides a quality atmosphere and good food at reasonable prices. You got a problem with that?

Leeharvey, by the time I finished with the LSAT it was cupping its asshole with one hand and holding my pocket with the other. I'm just too damn smart for the legal profession.

After invocation of a right to an attorney, a police officer can't question a suspect unless the suspect initiates the conversation. Those thirty seconds demonstrated that David Caruso knew the law (and that it was Diddy, in fact, who did not). Yet imagine, it was still really bad television.

A "skeletal portrait of tension"?
"Players guide a single petal on gusts of wind through the dreams of potted flora, drawing a skeletal portrait of tension between the pastoral and urban."

Asshole you need to meet my man Zodiac Motherfucker. Compared to your one-dimensional self-acknowledging repetitive shtick, that guy is the Mozart of shit-talking.

I took a look at this "Asshole." guy. We need to put him and Zodiac Motherfucker in a jar and shake it up.

But how do we find out that Life Isn't So Bad After All, Lobsters? It isn't because we had some enjoyable vacation time there in a foreign city. No, we find out that life isn't so bad after all because we had a beautiful and unrepeatable connection with another person that ENDS WITH US KISSING ON THE MOUTH. In case…

Although seriously, if you're going to list 29 movies, you could at least make it 30 and include LOST IN TRANSLATION. But maybe you don't like Bill Murray enough, or Japan enough, or lingering shots of Scarlett Johansson's perfectly shaped bottom enough.

Come off it Yossarian. In matters of taste violence is the funnest way to resolve your differences.

I would defend Achewood physically, emotionally, sensually
All this Achewood hate is making me hungry for vengeance. There's nothing worse than people with bad taste who are loud about it.

Better answer: "Because I'm an atheist"

Zodiac Motherfucker loves snacks.

One time I took a pill that said OT-7 on the side. When I woke up I couldn't remember any vowels.

One time I took a pill that said OT-7 on the side. When I woke up I couldn't remember any vowels.

@Mustard. The word you're looking for is "sophisticated." But unfortunately if you call yourself sophisticated, instead of sounding like a fake-self-deprecating jerkoff you'll just sound pretentious.

Maynard also body-slammed a fan onstage while he was singing, and continued to sing while he choked said fan out. Say what you will about their music, but you won't see this kinda badassery from the Decemberists.

Watching "Tim and Eric" is like watching porn. It'll do the trick, but it's usually embarrassing if someone walks in on you.

You'll understand it soon enough. The Year of the Depend Adult Undergarmet is approaching.