FLAGGED for lack of hap.

FLAGGED for lack of hap.

You should start the National Standing League so you can be recognized for your prodigious talents.

You should start the National Standing League so you can be recognized for your prodigious talents.

This year I'm finally able to admit that the only reason I still follow the NFL is because I like the atmosphere. The colors and sounds take me back to when I was a happy, carefree child. It certainly isn't because of the overpaid, primadonna players or cliche-spouting commentators or annoyingly obsessive fans.

This year I'm finally able to admit that the only reason I still follow the NFL is because I like the atmosphere. The colors and sounds take me back to when I was a happy, carefree child. It certainly isn't because of the overpaid, primadonna players or cliche-spouting commentators or annoyingly obsessive fans.

Sam, stare straight ahead and remain on your current path and you'll be in excellent shape to succeed at life!

Sam, stare straight ahead and remain on your current path and you'll be in excellent shape to succeed at life!

I JERK OFF WHENEVER I SEE JENNIFER GARNER BENT OVER A BUTTERCAR

I JERK OFF WHENEVER I SEE JENNIFER GARNER BENT OVER A BUTTERCAR

Actually, it sounds like the name of a shitty emo band.

Actually, it sounds like the name of a shitty emo band.

28 Weeks Later was where I sought out her name in the credits and nearly fell out of my ivory tower at the absurdity of it all.

28 Weeks Later was where I sought out her name in the credits and nearly fell out of my ivory tower at the absurdity of it all.

TODAY'S RECIPE:

TODAY'S RECIPE:

"Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses . . ." *

"Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses . . ." *

I'm assuming this means you're from the future, where 'tis the fashion to castrate a man, chemically harden the penis, hollow it out and use it as a pipe.

I'm assuming this means you're from the future, where 'tis the fashion to castrate a man, chemically harden the penis, hollow it out and use it as a pipe.