Yea, that's a great deadpan.

Oh yea, that's a given.

Also, it wont' happen with Apple anytime soon. But I've lost plenty of pictures and video through cloud services that went out of business without telling anyone or changed their terms of service.

I buy cds.

As long as the horse is broken

You know, they didn't even use problematic in the buzzword way (as in, not quite offensive or malicious, but indicative of issues with culture/language/etc). It just sounded like, "problematic" as in "Ugh, taking over the government seems hard"

Whenever my fiancee' gets drunk enough she makes me watch the video for "Cornflake Girl".

I don't know if "snooty" or "takedown" are the right words for that Dissolve paragraph. It just says that cinematic universes aren't inherently good, and gave some thoughtful reasons why (as opposed to the insufferable, "Dude, why doesn't Thor show up in any of these other movies and just hit stuff?")

An Italian Peasant Omelette (mozzarella, hash browns, bacon, and tomato) with a side of hashbrowns, two aspirin, as many glasses of water as possible, a bottle of Yoo-Hoo, and and a cold compress tied to your forehead with a scarf like a cartoon.

"The track is simple"
That's an interesting way to talk about the most pedestrian melody in recent memory. It's "Jingle Bell Rock" without the swing, and then a grating lilt at the "Let's have a party" portion. Not to mention the insipid spoken lyrics that posit that you don't have testicles if you prefer to drink…

I don't know, dude. You're defending the integrity of something famous for 9/11 jokes as being too mean to a spoiled rich kid. You get how silly that is, right?
And, again, neither have us has seen it, so your insistence at whether it was delivered in the spirit in the roast doesn't really jibe with me. Seeing a…

EDIT: Just kidding, found it.

I don't see how him yelling "How the fuck are you so popular?! Jesus fucking Christ, this one finally broke my back!" is much different than what Buress did. I mean, the only reason I know about it is that everything is "Oh, man! Hannibal Buress was the funniest part of the tired roast format!" so I'm going off…

"Roasting IS supposed to be about ultimately honoring the person."

What this needs to be talking about is Hannibal Buress' reportedly non-hilarious, hilarious jokes. He just doesn't like Bieber and doesn't lie about it:
"They say that you roast the ones you love, but I don't like you at all, man. I'm just here because it's a real good opportunity for me. Actually, you should thank…

His ludicrous reaction? His furious (and presumably, uh, quick to occur) reaction?

These jokes give me a massive erection (He was apparently in a tv series called Throb)

Eh, it's a similar creative group. Kind of like how "The Fast and the Furious" isn't a remake of the 1955 movie of the same name, but the producers bought the rights to it just cuz.

So now there have been two tv shows based on the Friday the 13th movies and neither have been at all based on the Friday the 13th movies? Got it.

Everyone knows the real theme for Ghostbusters II is "On Our Own" by Bobby Brown