"Lol really you have a crush on him? You know he's gay right?"

I told a friend the other day that I think Chris Pratt is our next Tom Hanks. I then spent the next ten minutes reassuring him that I didn't think that was happening for a long, long time, Tom Hanks is just fine, he's not going anywhere, who's a big brave boy?

One of my favorite jokes that's ever been made on Twitter was Shelby Fero's, and I'm paraphrasing because I'm too upset to actually look it up, but, "Trying to come to terms with the fact that nothing I write will ever be as funny as the sax solo from Careless Whisper."

OH GOD WHY

Parks and Rec had its issues. Mostly in that they created all of these characters that they obviously immediately fell in love with and couldn't stand to see bad things happen to, so they had to give them all everything they wanted. I watched and enjoyed it until the end, as I was also in love with all of them, but I…

Christ, I forgot Ben Katz. Has anyone played as many iconic animated characters as this guy? Not counting the Simpsons cast. Tom Kenney, maybe? Man is a treasure.

You know, I used to try to defend this town against this stereotype, but fuck. I really kind of can't anymore. This place sucks.

Yeah, I have no desire to see this. I wasn't *right* there, but I was close enough, and it was fucking terrible. Also terrible? The goddamned parties in the streets after they caught the second brother. Which is what I equate this movie to.

"Am I talking about Shameless or Dexter?"

I've always found Ian to be one of the most compelling characters on the show. I also have a bipolar mom and have spent most of my life dreading the moment it kicks in for me, so it makes sense that I would be more invested than most in his story.

Anyone else think that Dory found her in the middle of a suicide attempt and just kind of ignored this woman who she actually knew personally and had always been shown as being for the most part kind and helpful to her to go chase Chantal? That—not cheating on The World's Worst Lover—is what I found unforgivable.

Oh, same. I've considered making a drinking game out of it before, but it would have to be played in a hospital parking lot.

Nevermind, I figured it out.

Has someone done this with Cake's "Aw yeah, all right" yet? It would probably be ten minutes long.

What the hell are you saying? What have you done now, 2016? YOU CAN'T HAVE THIS ONE.

I have to confess, I actually loved Nine Lives. I watched it with a friend in a less than sober state with zero expectations except "Frank Underwood as a cat" and it did not dissapoint.

Kyle Mooney was the only good thing in that movie and he got what, ten minutes of screen time? Maybe.

Definitely serving pomegranate seeds instead of cranberry sauce next year. That is absolutely brilliant.

My first rule of cooking: go online and see if Alton Brown has anything to say about it first.

When I was a teen in the nineties I adored ELO. Still do, really. And Harry Chapin. Very fuzzy but very fond memories of family road trips with those tapes.