Freedom ticklers

ST: UTI

Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine.

They're referring to the explosives that ship with every copy to theaters.

That's it! Jem defeats them both!

I don't even own a juice bar.

They could fight racism by doing something that actually addresses the issue.

I remember being stuck behind some dude filming an entire Atlas Genius show with his fucking iPad. I don't usually jump around at shows, but I did at this one, and a lot of my beer "accidentally" ended up on his back.

The orchestra gets a little snippy when you're in the pit.

I went apple picking this weekend. It felt weird doing it in 90 degree weather.

I got chunks of guys like you in my stool!

Oh, fuck. Yeah. Database cleanup. My mind is mush.

I'd watch the fuck out of C-SPAN if Congress did synchronized acrobatics.

So…you didn't bring edibles? You were just telling a joke? How dare you?

Awww, dude… :-(

Well, yeah, but leaving that out makes for a better story.

Mrs. HR hates James Taylor with the fire of a thousand suns for this very reason.

That's my favorite joke from Cheers.

I almost didn't go because it was on a Tuesday, but it was with a friend I hadn't seen in a long time and I needed to get out of the house, which was feeling really small that night.

I know at TransWorld, we buried the option to speak to a person ridiculously far into the call-in process. Which sucked when you worked phone support like me, because when people finally found their way to you, they were PISSED.