Ha…not alcohol-related (I know…then what's the point), but when I used to work at a coffee shop, we'd get lots of people ordering a decaf latte with skim milk.

Back in the '90s, my best friend lived in a house with four other guys. They called their toilet the portal to hell, too. And it was. Yech.

And he ascends a pagoda to face his final nemesis. On each level, he fights a master of a different martial art. And Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Klink-y

I thought you typed "frosted nips."

I'm an Islets of Langerhans man, myself.

And don't use a mouse to do it, just clack away on the keyboard.

Pssh. I don't even OWN food.

Cut it out, no need to be snippy.

Dibs on the dead bird.

::unzips::

"Content Man." So a song about the lonely admin of a news aggregator site?

Okay…that was pretty good. Decent job, Internet.

I just have two monitors I arranged like a wall in front of me…

She lost her mind to dementia, so you never know.

Or a porn star in the Star Wars universe.

What about a movie treatment of Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again?"

It's awesome to watch performers who know how to perform on stage. I can't stand hipsters who just stand around in their schlubby WoW night rags because "authenticity" or whatever bullshit they're paying lip service to.

One ham to rule them all
And in the darkness bind them

Tyler. Perry.