Sober me is disgusted and reviles this creation, but he's never been the boss of drunk me anyway.

Petey Parkguy!

Now all I have to do is pump in the heat in my place to get just the right amount of swamp ass and it'll be just like I'm there.

Spider-Man: Homecoming, in which Spider-Man realizes his date to the dance is actually Chameleon. "Now I'll never lose my virginity!"

My old job was for the legal side of a standard debt collection agency, which I wasn't particularly thrilled about. Then it merged into a firm that dealt pretty exclusively with secondary bought debt, where the new leading partner liked to quote Donald Trump un-ironically; worst 3 months of my life until I quit.

Yeah, the implied torture always gives me a big guffaw. What a sense of fun and adventure!

Piece of toast for James Bond!

Well, at least the robots can't spit on my burgers or piss in my salads, but maybe the employees wouldn't do that either if they were treated like human beings.

He was a coward though, so I'm not sure about that.

That reminds me of a time in college when I took a really long nap and then drove and got Taco Bell.

While I hate it in the show, as a young teenager I was embarrassingly relentless towards any woman under 40 who would show me attention.

Damn, that guy really hates The Lion King.

"Mass debate" joke counter activated.

For mothers who no longer give a hoot.

See, men can receive death threats over the internet too. We're one step closer to equality.

Flesh, suits, flesh-suits, whatever.

Now do gritty re-vamps of the teletubby suits!

Local female dog says, "He ain't no son of mine!"

I'm not your Beelzebuddy, guy!

Chub-gina?