He has a great five minute hunk about "other things that are bigger on the inside than the outside." And yes, various women's genitalia factor heavily into the bit.

Comedy Central just hasn't been the same since they cancelled Night After Night with Allan Havey

Nah, Sting already gets ripped all the time. It should be Stewart Copeland's turn, the bastard. (I'm guessing, I have no idea what he's been up to for the last 32 years.)

One of my favorite bits:

OK, then for the trailer use "Two Princes."

"Well you know- the thing- the thing… the one thing, is to- not that there is any reason for it- not that there's any sense to it because- you know what I think? I think- and I'm only saying this, just saying this, is that this thing, this one thing- let me start over…"

It's in the forward, the preface, it's in every footnote, it's even in the copyright notice ("I wrote this shit in 1989. Don't you dare copy my book you non-writing motherfuckers. All rights reserved, dig.")

Miles Davis: Vampire Hunter sounds perfect. Miles himself would've definitely enjoyed stabbing a bunch of pale-ass white motherfuckers through the heart. Especially if they were A&R men (actually, A&R men being vampires makes total sense.)

David Mamet read the book and said, "Damn, he sure uses the f-word a lot, doesn't he?"

She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie…

If there's ever a guy who miscalculated his appeal to audiences, it's Billy Crystal. His affability, which got him through stuff like When Harry Met Sally turned grating when he started writing his own films. Mr. Saturday Night was a tremendously bad idea, destined to appeal to absolutely no one.

End credits song is "Build Me Up Buttercup." That always works, right?

Wow. Billy Crystal was a movie star at one time, wasn't he? Yet somehow we all pulled through relatively unscathed (although My Giant was a close call). What a world, huh?

Nope, You're Under Arrest

Put the stolen tape in an R2 unit and you have yourself a movie! (I mean, Obi-Wan Kenobi is already in the damn thing.)

YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I DO THE DEW!!!

I'll allow it. But you better be going somewhere with this, counselor.

("The Waiting" by Tom Petty plays) Lieutenant Daniel Kaffee was a lawyer who was just trying to serve out his time in the Navy. Until one day the craziest case of his life was dropped right on his doorstep (record scratches). And now ("Little Miss Can't Be Wrong" by The Spin Doctors plays), he's going to find- that…

Get Ethan Hawk and Jude Law to co-star, throw in some stock footage of Robin Williams, and you have a movie. (Arnold could co-star, but he already ruined Batman once.)

He didn't do Jack Ryan any favors either.