The NFL doesn't want to talk about genocide because OOGA, OOGA, ME LIKE TO EAT BOOKS.

Think about it: one of her fingers was pointing up while the others were sort of closed in a fist. Furthermore, the finger in question was the one between her index and ring fingers. Just let that idea sit for a minute.

Can we agree that the worst 80s synth jam is "Valerie" by Steve Winwood? Fuck. My dad used to play the shit out of that tape on long road trips to upstate New York. It's the fucking soundtrack to Handi Snacks—you know, processed cheese on a little red stick—travel Yahtzee, motion sickness, and the smell of my dad's…

Iggy Pupa?

And I lay right down in my favorite chrysalis.

Shit, I was being facetious! I love Phil Hartman and consider anything written by Jack Handey, including Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, untouchable.

Gotta agree with Lorne: Phil Hartman was mildly talented, but I associate him with my adolescence, those golden years in which I showered twice a week and played Nerf basketball alone in my room while simultaneously having fake conversations with girls. Which is why Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer seems funnier than it…

Riot Fest motherfuckers!

That may be the story, but I find it hard to believe that that's what the show is about.

What's wrong with a buncha dads chasing some sweet, sweet, aasse? It's like, these dudes are just like me and my bros except that they are responsible for the health, livelihood, and general well-being of a human life, so whatevs?

He keeps a toilet paper roll filled with fabric softener in his utility belt. And a four-pack of Soft Batch.

Affleck's Batman has fibromyalgia, okay? I suggest you ask the American College of Rheumatology whether that's gritty or not.

The worst was when shitty musicians would do MTV Unplugged. Their default approach was always to reveal their "blues" roots, where they would turn every song into a twelve-bar stroll and "go Aguilera" on the vocals—you know, do that annoying throat shit.

Pottery Barn is where you begin rebuilding your life post-lobotomy.

Which is why Kanye has announced that he is extending his tour to 100 U.S. cities. He is going to rock the shit out of the Mingo Junction Community Center in lovely Mingo Junction, Ohio.

Hey, I don't want to know about you. This is the internet.

The fucked up thing is that Imogen Poots is her Hollywood name. Her real name is Nancy Shart.

Holy fuck the lead is named "Anastasia Steele?" So basically E.L. Fudge or whatever the fuck her name is, like so many white trash moms, thought she could imbue her progeny with a worldly, cosmopolitan personality simply by giving her a fancy name.

The comedic possibilities here are seemingly infinite. What if one of the guys is just okay at basketball? Like he can hustle on the street but didn't even make it to the NBA? WTF?!

If you can fap to that pic, you can fap to a picture of Gollum.