Somewhere over the rainbow mural in the children's wing of the hospital…

They call me Milquetoast Jones.

Chicken Soup for Ryan Seacret's Cyborg Soul

Alternate Title: The White Castle Chronicles

It had that going for it.  Also, college students are the last group of people who need advice.

The AV Club
…make it hot by striking.

Here you go.

Someone gave me Chicken Soup for the College Student Soul as a gift before I went away to college.  It made a great coaster/paperweight.

BURN!

The Five Chickens You Meet in Heaven

@avclub-3314f6f8715a1ce0080e77ea7b47f608:disqus - that's a thing?!  Who else did we lose?

NSFW and I'm at W.  Anyway, remember what Tecumseh said.  *incoherent chanting*

2004 over here, woooo!

The door scene was my favorite.  Oh Bender.

What luck!  There's a French FRY in my beard… om nom nom

Oh yes.  But she's on vacay this week, so I'm doing the work of three people as one person.  And I made the mistake of calculating how much time I spend commuting here and back per week.  SPOILER ALERT: It's the equivalent of almost one entire work day!

Thanks, @Scrawler.  That means more than you realize.

What in the FUCK, why does everything have to happen that day?!?!  I have a wedding in Maine.

I've done the bathroom cry.  Ugh!  I never, not even once, cried at my old job.  The first job out of college?  Yeah.  But not the job after that!

Heeeyyy-oh!  But no, no they don't.  I did, however, revitalize the new hire process.  People shake my hand and tell me what a great orientation it is when it's over.  For realsies!  No matter, though *Rodney Dangerfield voice* I still don't get no respect.