That may have been the first instance of me being ashamed of having understood a joke.

"Any new Simpsons Classic reviews?"

"But what happened in Ford's Theater? Was President Lincoln okay?"
"He was fine."

I always identified with Lisa as a kid, too. Except I wasn't smart.

"Oh look, there's a rape machine."

It was a 22nd season episode. I might even leave that off my resume.

I think that's a brilliant line, and it actually makes sense in the context of the song. But it's still really weird.

I touch your mouth; my willy is food.

I like The Police, but Sting is an absolutely awful lyricist.

Actually, I think Kesha is the one who sings that part.
Pardon me, while I go yell at myself for knowing that.

Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon.

A famous person wears the same size water skis as me
She's got three cars as many years I've lived in this city
Her hair is blonde and mine is brown; they both start with a "b"
But when the phone inside her ribcage rings, it's not for me
Hey!

And as the screaming fire engine siren fills the air,
The evidence will vanish from your charred and smoking chair
And what they found was just a statue standing where the statue got me high

The only time I've ever been to Red Robin was after I saw the godawful War of the Worlds remake in 2005. Probably why I've never been back.

This reminds me of one of my favorite tweets of all time:
https://twitter.com/SamuelR…

Soon, the Quesaritos will be passing Tity Boi.

Out of sheer curiosity, I googled "winston churchill quesarito," and this article came up: http://www.houstonchronicle…

With dessert at Dairy Republic.

I'm making burritos tonight, and I'm going to see if I can reverse-engineer a Quesarito. I call it the Farthattan Project.

Quokka!