I'm pretty sure there's granny porn out there.  Also, grainy porn, which would suit Ms. Lohan well!

Seriously - her biggest success is all the idiots around here constantly "complaining" about her shitty show.  Is she even mentioned in this story? (Guess I could re-read it, but I'm assuming not.)

Is it bad that I prefer both Larry the Cable Guy and Whitney Cummings to Ben Affleck?

Per AOL: You've Got Mail.

I'm just waiting for some idiots to dress up like cops and be surrounded by real cops.  Because there's no way they could figure that out.

Yeah, but you still have to live in the UK.  So, hows the weather today - suicidal?

I hear a penny spent at Marshall's goes as far as $800,000 at Bardwell's…

Oh we do, jistpassingby, we do…

Boo-urns!

I thought 40 was the new 30?

Bruce Wayne IS the 1%!

Key word: "intelligent."

Face?  7 or 8 tops.  I mean, I'm not complaining, but exactly how does one get into that "hottest chick in the world" conversation?  Other talents, I suppose.

ScarJo-ver?

Indeed.

A Phish song, I believe.

Rock stardom diminishes the negative effects of age.  For instance, I'd still totally hit that!

I know you like to think your shit don't stink but…

Garfunkel and Oates don't particularly care for Statler and Waldorf. 

Seriously - she looks like she should be in a 90's Soundgarden video…