This just in: Van Halen to dress like old-timey riverboat blackjack dealers, tour with harp, hurdy-gurdy, and toy piano, release whimsical single about civil war, offer artisan cheese in concession.

As someone who is married and has kids, here's the deal:

So this is the part where I wish Fiona Apple would stop bitching about things all the time and everyone yells at me.

I guess college is where this kind of thing happens; I had some douchebag neighbor across the parking lot from me who used to put speakers in his window and, every time he returned from class, would blast at top volume The Outfield's "Your Love."

And special guest star: Mrs. Potato Dick.

But dude, Counting Crows is there!

What, not Cerebral Ballzy? Fix!

Well, since I live 20 minutes from Slim's and I just bought a pair of tickets, looks like I'm going.

Fun fact: That's actually called "toggle case." Yes, it exists.

I like Pell Mell quite a bit; they actually sound like a slightly countrified Neu!

It is also, for my money, the greatest album cover of all time. No, seriously, I think A Minute To Pray, A Second To Die is The World's Greatest Album Cover. It's just absolutely perfect.

Meh. Ragin' was pretty good, but I found most fIREHOSE albums a test of endurance; "mediocre" would be kind.

Confirmed; I have an original early-'80s vinyl pressing of Damaged and it sounds 1,000x better than the CD.

Rim shot!

Blah blah Howard Stern blah blah DAWES! blah blah meme obligation complete. Carry on.

Wait, Cowboy Mouth from New Orleans? Seriously? They a) were awesome live and b) sold about 1,200 CDs, so I don't they they were really to blame.

Looks like you win, 2-1.

Now, a puppet of the all-encompassing pure light of Dawes, that would be something.

Only one option left: Pee in your mouth.

Can my band CoCo's on TBS For Some Reason open?