Oh, I almost forgot about that fucker. The one and only time I sent a mass text to people, namely every progressive minded woman and man in my contacts, telling them to give money to McCaskill after reading that via Google News. What a jackass.

O'Neal:

So, Massachusetts, and… ?

I just go directly to O'Neal articles now that other folks have learned to copy his headline style.

Is this my beautiful wife?

I turned 14 when we got the internet, so I thought I'd been shocked enough (too old to be immune, too young to not be online all the time). Hell, I still remember slowly realizing what "typing with one hand" meant from the creep on the AOL teen chat room.

Oh my God! Bear is driving! How can this be?!

I can easily hear my friendly (well…) local Russian party store owner telling this joke.

Having attended a single city council meeting this year, I would have infinately preferred talk of castration to the talk of pedestrians almost being killed at shitty crosswalks which all council members ultimately ignored and voted how they were gonna vote anyway.

I'm cool w Polish jokes as long as they punch line isn't the equivalent of "cause they're so darn stupid!"

Toodaloo!
Dumbass.

Who is this Ted Danson, and why do you want his skeleton?
I have an idea for a sitcom.

And ground into a fine pink powder?

Rifftrax Roadhouse is a freaking classic.

Mittens?

Oh, you should just say fuck it all and get this:

I found out it's illegal to play with sparklers on the 4th of July weekend in a DC park thanks to Q and not U!

Funny, I was gonna say working in a coma for a cheque and a chance.

Could I get some lesbian cuisine?

I have! I went to Kenosha for spring break one year!