You're not going to believe this Newswire, but I swear every word is true…

Ooooh yea-ah

If Metallica gets one for their song, I guess this is fair.

"My nephew was in The Mighty Ducks!"

Yeah, Denver Pyle! I was 8, and I remember thinking that Mad Jack and Uncle Jesse were the same character. He just "settled down" in The Dukes of Hazzard. God, kids are fucking stupid!

Drain you of your royalties.
Face the thing with 3 goatees.

Brilliant! That's beautiful.

I win, if winning means being old and infirm.

You were 11 in 1999? Now I'm genuinely curious how the MST3K obsession happened? Honest.

Couldn't bear to type "Ben Quadineros"?

*fires up Moonwalker, "rescues" little kids.

Remember when we all hungered for more backstory on how Han was trying to pay back Jabba the Hutt and how he got a price on his head? Yeah, that scene was electrifying.

Yes! Me too! On Night Flight around 1981.

These guys played my hometown in about '90 and crashed/partied at my friend's house. I can report they were all ok guys, and gave no indication where their music was about to go. That Noodles guy that plays guitar was especially funny/humble, though I bet he can collect Social Security by now.

Blade Runner >> The Fugitive > Mosquito Coast > Witness

Fair enough.

Vectrex 3D imager - 1983
Sega Master System 3D goggles - 1988
SGI Immersadesk - 1998

Obligatory Manimal reference.

Needs more Morrissey.

You take my life, but I'll take yours too!