I'm confused. Does this shirt mean that both Manson and Bieber are bigger than Satan? I guess they're combining their armies for flanking maneuvers?

Everything is porn, to someone.

Boss gets a dollar, I get a dime;
that's why I jack it on company time.

We're getting dangerously close to mime here, guys. Dangerously close.

It's okay, she just had him for his looks. A comic genius is entitled to score a hottie now and again.

"I am thy Deputy White House Counsel's ghost, doomed for a certain term to walk the convention floor."

"I'll tell ya ma, that John Stossel sure can sing."

Stone Phillips don't go to Wisconsin

We'll all be Racine to our computers to view it.

It's cold comfort to Leslie, but I hope she knows that the guys who do this for the most part live terrible lives full of fear and pain. I've read the New Yorker profile of her; she was better than them before Lorne Michaels ever heard her name.

You don't want to know what Alex Jones considers attractive.

At first I was worried this convention was going to be directed by Paul Greengrass, but now I'm glad to see it's actually a Richard Linklater joint.

Guys, I know it seems like this will be the funniest thing that has ever happened in America, but it might actually turn out to be the least funny thing that has ever happened in America.

Nope, Chino. Ew.

This is the new Onion, so they better by Teriyaki Slim Jims.

::kneels::

Michael Clarke Ducan R.I.P.

We need to think up a theme song that will have something like Entourage's iconic "Oh…YEAH" in it. Maybe something as simple as Saliva with "Click…click…BOOM!"?

You made that name up.

Pump VI: Pumps and a Bump