I used to have a gimmick whereby I would call all terrible reviewers on this site "Sims". Then I come back and literally everyone who writes for this site is gone, except for Actual Sims. This is some Alanis-calibre irony, right here.

SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMS!

Newton Gimmick! Of all the AVClub critters, you are the one I missed most of all during the year-or-so I had lost my login information and been too lazy to get it back. How are you? Do you still have your gimmick about the dental plan?

I was reading and reading and reading and reading, and the whole time, I was saying, "No one has said why does Ross the largest friend not simply eat the other five yet. I might have to say why does Ross the largest friend not simply eat the other five. IT'S MY TIME. IT'S MY TIME." Then it turned out that you said why…

Not terribly often, but he gets called "Chan" every once in a while. My favourite is when the hapless actor Joey hires to play his "identical twin", Carl (this is different from the "hand twin" plot) strides into Monica and Chandler's apartment and yells, "Hey, Mon! Hey, Chan!" Carl was basically the seventh Friend.…

That moment was in the middle of the last season - not really "of the early seasons". I'll cut you some slack, though, because you type pretty well for a baby.

I was reading these comments in class, trying not to laugh out loud at, say, Cookie Monster giving sex advice. And I was doing just fine. But then you started talking about "road head", and it reminded me of when I was twelve and I had a dog with a weird white stripe across the top of his head, and my sister's…

Between the Monteith mini-flounce and the woe-is-me bender you've described? I think you're too sensitive, Jigglypuff. Which probably makes you difficult to get to know. I have been there - oh, if there is a bar in my native Canada I have not stormed out of in tears, it must have been opened in the past 15 minutes,…

I like Savage Dik a reasonable amount - I can't claim to be your biggest fan or nothin' - but every time I see your avatar, I spend five minutes singing the Jigglypuff song, because I cannot tell Pokemons apart, even if they have dicks on their faces. And that five minutes is routinely the best five minutes of my…

Curious about what everyone here was talking about, I went and read the thread where you were taking all the heat. And, while a few people were mean to you and while I'd be tempted to flounce over that too, it was actually only one person who referenced "Savage Dik" and said that that sucks. And that one person was a…

Agreed. I really wish they'd let Leo live and become the vice-president. :(

I prefer "it", or "that", or "whatever the hell you are".

I hated that it became "we were on a break" / "no we weren't", when really at the time it was, "We were on a break, but when there was possibility of us reconciling the following day, should you have gone and fucked somebody else minutes after we went on a break?" I believe Rachel was in the right on the "we were on a…

I bet there's no Mrs. Guy.

Re: Rachel mothering Emma, what would you have liked to see? For me, the few Emma plots that there were involved Rachel being a horrible mom-zilla who thought her kid was born seventeen. ("Emma said 'gleeba'!" / Ross raps "Baby Got Back" to make Emma laugh, Rachel reacts as if Emma is old enough to understand words /…

This has to happen. Someone has to ask David Schwimmer this.

Actually, while I love the part about Ross being the largest, I think the joke is made by him calling him the "largest *Friend*". If he'd just said "the largest one" or something, it wouldn't have been funny. It's like, he understands the concept of the show. He understands that they are friends, and, in theory, what…

Okay. I lost my password here almost a year ago and have just lurked since, but I reset it just now so that I could tell you this.

@avclub-29501df08e5d9ae59e432e4f188d3735:disqus No, I was asking if someone really did a version like Willie's, a la the Abe-Sinatra connection.

@avclub-29501df08e5d9ae59e432e4f188d3735:disqus No, I was asking if someone really did a version like Willie's, a la the Abe-Sinatra connection.