On the plus side, my speculative punt on carrier pigeon futures really paid off.

Hey, sweatshop workers need food too!

But the sea is still made up mostly from God tears, right?

Make "The Long Walk" already, Darabont. Because I assume you like to keep up with all the other Stephen King adaptations that are currently being made by people who aren't you and also because I naturally assume you read all my comments.

Jesus, even Harper Lee is trying to shame this guy into hurrying up and most people probably assumed she was already dead.

http://www.theonion.com/art…

For some reason this just reminded me of that awesome c-64 game Beach-Head. "Medic!"

Sean Patrick Flanery read this and just called his agent to say that he can totally say junior in a scottish accent.

Rape itself is now just shaking it's head muttering "Jesus, dude. Fuck."

Guy enters bar: "Is there a Cutie here?"
Cutie: "Oh hey, you must be the cab i ordered?"
Guy: "Yeah, kinda."
Cutie: "That's great, cos I really need to get home."
Guy: "Home… yeah, sure… home."

it should just be 120 minutes of affleck locked in the room with the cat, trying to reassure it while the door knob keeps being twisted and there are sounds of maybe the lock being picked.

march 17th is st. patricks day, so the i must stand for irish!

"Kareem Abdul-Jabbar wrote a novel about Sherlock Holmes’ brother and it's being made into a film and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is going to direct it and play Sherlock Holmes' brother" is possibly the only head-line that could better this one.

Stay classy, Bill.

or space docking.

this is retarded.

he's a modern day jester.

she's a real hero, and a neon demon.

like they even have passports anyway.

matt damon's gonna be there for a bit too, standing behind the raid guys with a rolled up magazine in his hand in case he's needed.