Dear Jose,
I am a 42-year-old divorced father of two. I have had a girlfriend, "Dawn," for about a year. She has met my kids, but she's still uncomfortable with the "situation." She has concerns about me having been married before, such as having experienced many of the firsts she has yet to enjoy.

This is the Troll 2 of Great Job, Internet

They discover that the wall is all that stands between them and having pee pee in their coke.

Another creepy part was when his kids heold out a deck of cards to the murderer in his garden, and they asked him to select a card. The murderer then selected one of the cards at random, looked at the card, and then placed the card back into the deck, making sure that the children hadn't seen which card he chose. The…

I really enjoyed this book but THIS is the one they make a 9 part miniseries about? I mean I've been begging for this treatment for The Stand, IT, or The Gunslinger for years.
Bonus: Jon Hamm needs to be cast as Roland.

Sitting on the dock of the bay
occupying criiiiiiiiim(ea)

Sounds like we've got a troll lover over here, boys!
LOCK HIM DOWN!
FLAGGEDFLAGGEDFLAGGEDFLAGGEDFLAGGED

No way, I got these things strapped on like I'm Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Bel Biv Devoe.

Don't you think.

We just call it a spoiler.

You think this is insipid, you should see my ex-wife.

ITS BEEN AWHILE

Only watched the first three episodes of this season of Masterchef but, CALLED IT.

After Eat Up Martha leaves I also look around the room and see a poster with the word "REALLY" and a flier on a bulletin board that has the word "NOT"

Wait, why isn't your facebook username your actual name? WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF WEIRDO?

THAT VOOOICE

Hammond: "Live from New York it's Saturday Night Live!"
Director: "Cut!"
Hammond: "Don't mind if I do!"

I'm not sure who the target audience is. Is it a kids movie or is it aimed at the people in their late 20's that grew up with the books?
"It can be two things." - The producers

When I was in fourth grade I wrote into a national essay contest about why "Welcome to Dead House" was my favorite Goosebumps book and won second place. The prize was a tshirt (a really awesome shirt with the cover from The Barking Ghost), some other Goosebumps swag, and my school library was given a copy of every…