The real Abed would be ashamed with your failed firsties.

Sherlock Holmes Episode II: Attack of the Cumberbatch

*Muttoned On

Knope We Can?
Knope You Did!

I hear Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords is pretty rock 'n' roll. 
Maybe get him instead?

Nah, turns out it was Aaron Paul. 
And the kid's got a smack addicition.

Eh, the snark doesn't come as naturally as O'Neal.

Outsourced?

Hey man, Psychology's a science too!

Hey man, I got that English Lit. degree for a reason!

"Unique and groundbreaking" sounds like someones use of superlative adjectives to make farm work sound interesting. 

His handjobs rough my dick up worse than if Edward Scissorhands were to do it himself.

Tiring of God, I'm fucking Burton.

When all is said and done, I still love Damon Albarn. His work in the last decade has been fantastic, and far more interesting than Graham Coxon's output.

It's your Chris Klein's you gotta watch out for.
Rollerball, anyone?

When I realised who this quote was attributed to, I was then willing to overlook the lack of quotation marks. 

I was a big reader of it, and I occasionally still wonder over their when I have got my AV Club fix. But yeah man, the site is run by narcissists. At first, I was of the opinion that it was a movie news website run by fanboys for fanboys, and I was fine with that. But even recently, the site has become more and more…

I am a refugee of the Ain't It Cool News website. 
Reason for migration?: Harry Knowles

If you come at the King, you best have watched The Wire as intended - on air and/or not on air.

I did!
The Dude is everywhere!