It's Kindle anyway. Strike two.

There's no such thing as contractual obligation when it comes to reviewing. I know this because I've played the pro reviewer game. I wrote for a lot of magazines and websites. It doesn't work that way.

The wrong tone in this review
Something tells me the person that reviewed this game wasn't old enough to play FPS games back in 2000 when this came out. There is so much missed in this review that it seems as though the person reviewing went in with 2010 expectations, not knowing it was a throwback FPS, with that…

But Owen was far too busy schooling Luke in the intricacies of how cell phone networks operate. Priorities people.

Seems to me…
It seems as though the reviewer had expectations that weren't met. This is a game that is a parody of several others, including Devil May Cry, God of War, and a few other less prominent titles.

Agreed. Colbert having his head shaved on day one of the USO tour was TV history. That and the Bob Hope golf swing in the intro of every USO episode for that week. That was classic stuff, and Colbert hasn't been better since the Filliam H. Muffman joke early on. I still reference that on occasion.

Strange
The gimped PC version wasn't mentioned (no dedicated servers and no customization, two hallmarks of any AAA FPS title for the PC), and the fact that leaning has been removed wasn't mentioned either.

And OMG I just realized I can't spell "butter".

A little history:
http://www.avclub.com/artic…

A little off-topic…
I realize this is somewhat off-topic, but I had a cyst removed. It wasn't huge or gross or anything, but the doctor had to numb that part of my neck. While I couldn't feel the incisions per se, I could feel what felt like thick chunk of butter moving around. I can't quite describe the feeling…

You got your PaRappa in my Tekken!

Nothing on Freezepop
Even if you only know Freezepop from their RB and GH stints, they are far better at what they do. It's not easy to sound early 80s and modern at the same time, but Freezepop pulls it off with aplomb.

Fake review
I saw no reference to "cold bowl of peanut butter". This is all a sham.

I say we start a petition and ask that Tobias, Rabin, and all the other regulars somehow jam a reference to a "cold bowl of peanut butter" into their next reviews.

Bioshock is far better on a PC as using a gamepad for an FPS game is like trying to steer a car entirely with your ears.