Lord knows she tries.

Still no excuse for Space-Rudeness.

When I was turned down for a promotion my first thought was "crap, where was my latest autosave?" Sadly, real life doesn't work that way.

DENTAL PLAN!

This show isn't doing well? That's too bad, its funny. I guess Im "doing my part" by watching it on Hulu after the fact.

I don't even own a Hobbit.

Think about the epileptic dogs!

Star Wars: Fool me three times, I'm passing on this one.

Oh, Chewbacca, Chewbacca!

I thought of something! DeNiro's suits from "Casino," let out to fit me, of course.

When I was promoted a few years ago, my dad bought me a red Swingline I could get territorial about.

It is quite a journey, but a properly cooked pizza roll rewards the bleary, drunken faithful.

Cookie sheet in the oven, my friend.

Krudler was shot on the track in front of thousands of spectators …on the way back to his home planet.

We don't talk about the tolerability index around these parts

I've never seen a complete episode of this show. I don't even own a Colbert Report, etc.

Where's my Sideshow Raheem spinoff?

Americans don't eat horse.

Damned Jimmy Carter!

I always assumed it was in the waistband. Gotta keep it classy, you know.