Are you suggesting Smokey is the Bandit?

Fire helps me finish too

I do this a lot, and I am sorry but I can not help it. Some people find it endearing and some people think I am being condescending and annoying. I just hope when I do it that it sounds genuine enough that I find dumb things funny.

What if I call you…………………………………………….. friend?

My mom likes to tell me that I live in the oldest American city so weird shit is bound to happen all the time and that my internet will never be that good. It's a comforting life motto.

Lot of weird shit's been happening to me that sounds like a bit, and I'm not sure if I'm grateful or concerned that weirdness follows me around.

I don't see a lot of bands that perform this way - but I did see Purity Ring twice and it looked like that guy was doing a lot of work (though very confusing work). But this band Born Gold opened for them one of the times and it was genuinely just someone hitting a laptop once and a bunch of guys just… I don't even…

if you google "lil bean" just in case to see if that is a rapper's name an image of Lil Wayne with Mr. Bean's face crudely pasted over his face pops up

For some reason not knowing fairly popular music is a badge of honor

I used to genuinely think Mac Demarco and Mac Miller were the same person… still kind of do.

an americano costs $3.25 but according to the man they use a lot of pine in their decor instead of a nicer wood, could be hipper

A few weeks back I was in a hip local coffee shop studying, and this drunk guy came in at about 9am and started yelling about why everyone in the coffee shop thought we were better than him. He then yelled that he was a farmer a whole bunch, called a woman with short hair sir (and then ranted about how you cant tell…

Honestly I'm just going to say yes and assume/hope you have the conversation anyway

Am… I your wife? It's such a nothing quote that isn't funny without the context, and yet, I use it constantly usually just for my own amusement.

They Were Already Dead Before The Couch Even Gagged

"Oh! It's a donkey!"

its a bad episode but more often than I would like, when my mind is clear, I will sing Glove Slap

Hi!

you are silly, and wrong, and so wrong its silly

It was a post-apocalyptic turn based game played through the mail that was effectively shut down after two of its players took it too seriously and one died due to exposure and their family's sued