What ever happened with the Ass Bandit? There were like one or two episodes where some dude pretended to be a nurse, so he could do … er … rectal exams. And then he was never mentioned again! That was so odd.

I loved that MTV 25 most lame show! I haven't seen it in 10 years, but remember it well. That horrible video of "Separate Ways" by Journey. Vanilla's meltdown. Don Johnson's *clutches fist to chest* Heeeeearrrtbeeeeeeeat! Jon Stewart saying that Nelson was riding into town on an airbrushed steed.

Bulbasaurus, I think Stephen Fry would be an amazing friend to have, but I would be so freaking intimidated by him. He's just so damn smart. How would I initiate the friendship without sounding like a dolt?

Kristen Bell
From what I've seen of Kristen Bell in interviews and stuff, I think she'd be an awesome BFF. She's funny and smart, and she would watch The Room with me. Go watch any interview with her and Craig Ferguson, and tell me you wouldn't want to hang out with her, she's awesome.

The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads … They all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.

Stephen Root is one of my favorite actors. He's a complete chameleon. Some people are just so incredibly amazed that Jimmy James is the same guy as Milton from Office Space. I just wish he was more appreciated and well-known.

I am not ashamed to say that I actually enjoyed Mouse Hunt. It's been years since I've seen it, but I still say "shreemps" when I am around shrimp, and "meellions" instead of "million," like that big guy at the house auction. How can you not appreciate a movie where a little mouse drives Christopher Walken (in a…

And pants to match.

Concession Stand Slave
My mom used to own a McDonald's franchise, so my first job was working in the concession stand she ran for the community pool that was next door. 'Twas in 1994, the summer between junior high and high school. My strongest memory is of the smell of chlorine, sun-tan lotion and chicken mcnuggets…

These are actual rap lyrics
Bill: "Life ain't nothin' but gritches and money." Only they don't use "gritches." They use a word that rhymes with "gritches," that starts with a "B."