That doesn't even make sense. How would fucking my promiscuous mother get the evil spirits into Ellie's boyfriend's apartment?

Eh, I still think she's pretty foxy.

What, is he expecting the evil spirits to try to get in through the wall? They're spirits. They'll use the fucking window like anybody else.

Yeah, I saw them three times over the past 10 years (something I never thought I'd be able to do even once – they originally broke up a week after I heard them for the first time) but I can't say I'm too upset about this.

Heh. I remember watching the Canadian equivalent of those kids' craft shows and wanting to try making some of that stuff only to have my mom shoot me down (a lot of them used those cylindrical cardboard Quaker oats tubes – when I suggested we start buying that brand of oats so I could use the canisters she laughed in…

Hey, my older sister was probably my biggest influence when I was young – the first record I bought with my own money was Duran Duran's first album… primarily because my sister convinced me to buy it instead of Thriller – she already had "Rio" and knew she'd be able to tape my copy.
Later on, she introduced me to late…

Boring story time!
I work in the graphic design department of a dull corporation and we get a couple of design magazines delivered to our offices. One month, the cover of one of these magazines featured a man's bare buttocks – not exactly scandalous, but every time someone came into the design area they'd notice the…

@avclub-d72f705337e5adcf7e33ec0381c5f5b2:disqus So, can you explain this rhyming slang thing to a non-Brit? Do people actually say "that's Jackson" and other people are able to extrapolate from that that they're referring to Pollock which rhymes with bollocks? Is there a constantly updating rhyming slang dictionary…

They're too busy dating women on TV with the help of Chuck Woolery

Fuuuck! I just got tickets to see Neil Young at the Greenbelt Harvest Picnic the following week – don't think my concert budget (not to mention babysitting budget) will allow two festivals on consecutive weekends… but that lineup… can't resist… clicking Ticketmaster link…

Yeah… we already took her to see Toopy and Binoo in concert (which I didn't mind so much – I kind of love that there's a really weird show for toddlers about a giant rat with a prolapsed anus and his mute, miniature cat sidekick/same-sex love interest) and it was worth it just to see her lose her fucking shit when…

@ColdGottoBe:disqus and anyone else interested in helping our Smacky replenish her music library after an overzealous/inept IT guy wiped hers out can drop me a line at otto.e.roddick@gmail.com and I'll invite you to join our shared Dropbox folder.

Same here, @avclub-8dd007f4a97be79c135c67999bf5b27e:disqus … in middle school (by far the most miserable period of my life – which I suppose makes me fortunate) I was always the least cool cool kid (and the dumbest kid on the honour roll, worst player on the all star team, etc) so my cool kid status always seemed to…

I've been washing my whole head with Head and Shoulders for years and haven't had head or face dandruff in all that time.

Can't say I do – I don't know if I've ever bought Braeburns. I usually stick to Red Delicious, Granny Smith or Spartans (when they're in season) because I'm much more about texture than taste when it comes to apples. I'd imagine it's similar though – if the apple feels hollow or too light for its size, stay away!

I'm reminded of Kramer yelling out the window to an offscreen Newman, who's threatening to jump off the roof:

Halfway through your story I was thinking "at least it was only a chihuahua", so I'm glad to see I'm not alone there.

Wanna hear something really awful? My wife got discounted tickets to see the Wiggles later this year and I either have to go or risk being branded a terrible father.

Oh man, I was afraid this story was going to end with him or (even worse) someone else dead. Sounds like that was the best possible outcome, all things considered.

I once broke a window at my grade school with a lacrosse ball and never owned up to it. People had seen me in the vicinity with a lacrosse stick and ball but I was generally a good kid and I just stuck to my deny, deny, deny script and it never went anywhere beyond an announcement over the PA that if anyone knew…