I've seen some sad attempts to paint the extreme right as victims of an imagined totalitarian US left via clumsy reference to 1984, but this one was truly on another level.

Jesus Christ.

I really, really don't. I honestly think the whole Tibet thing is primarily motivated by the fact that the Dalai Lama sounds a bit like Yoda.

The guy whose social politics make Pope JP II look like a fuckin' tumblr teen?

We always said, "It's not a microphone, dude."

holy shit, are you Mark from Peep Show

He'd like to add you to his professional network on LinkedIn.

Yeah, the thing with Trump's comments on abortion is that he hadn't bothered to learn the rhetorical evasiveness of the pro-life movement; he just said what he figured was logically consistent with the position that abortion should be illegal - if it's a crime, of course the perpetrators should be punished, right?…

On the heirarchy of schoolyard taunts, "I could totally say something right now but it's actually too harsh" is rightly considered among the dumbest and most ineffectual, even by fucking ten year olds. That a 70 year old man who is running for President lacks the nous to realise that would be truly staggering if that…

Amazing that the apparently grossly incompetent, inveterately lazy Obama managed to invent a time machine and influence a young Scalia's dietary habits to the point where his own heart killed him after a lifetime of egregious abuse. Isn't that the kind of supervillainous gumption Republicans are looking for in a…

Dude, I'm sorry if I've offended you in some way, I really am.
To address your points:

Not at all, but unfortunately ill-considered whining about free speech and online fuckbaggery aren't limited to conservatives.

Nah, when white liberals who believe in "free speech" hound you out of public life via death and rape threats for criticising one of their sacred cows with a mildly ill-advised hashtag that was never going to lead to anyone's cancellation, you think twice about going after the Right, and so do other activists. Thanks,…

Look man, I don't come to Breitbart and mock you all for making cum tributes to Sean Hannity or whatever you chuckleheads get up to. Know your audience.

I got dickhead bingo over here! What do I win?

If that was a Vine I would personally watch it several million times.

And he gets straight-up given money by the bank.

I sincerely doubt there are too many black people willing to put up with your crap. Honour doesn't really come into it.

My last encounter with the police: a guy shooting up in the driveway of our old apartment complex who verbally abused and threatened my wife when she got home from the shops. The filth took over two hours to show up, and tried to talk us out of making a complaint because "he knows where you live." We had the license…

The fact that this is an acceptable mainstream position is insane to me. It's the same in Australia, where we have politicians and commentators literally arguing that it's racist to recognise the existence of Aboriginal culture as separate and unique because it 'divides people according to race.' This is where the…