Semen stains the mountaintops, yo.

Because the knicks wore black to the celtics "funeral"? Because Carmelo is the biggest ball hog in the history of the world and had 4 assists through 4 games? Because Carmelo gets way too much credit for a player who has never gone deep in the playoffs? Because of bad tattoos on multiple players? Because James Dolan…

Is Xena still fertile? Papa Swanson perhaps.

Nathan For You is the best thing Comedy Central has done in years. The clip where he had a voice actor do a dogs voice to tell a little kid his dog was dead made me lose my shit. I must have watched it 5 times.

I have good Nathan news and I have bad Nathan news. The bad news is that Nathan Rabin has left the AV Club. The good Nathan news is that Nathan For You was just picked up for a second season.

Thats 1 more day paid bereavement than I get when a cousin dies, as well it should be.

Jim divorces Pam, bangs Angela once or twice in the warehouse to rub it in Dwight and Pams faces, moves to Philly for good with Daryl. We learn that Creed has been wealthy this entire time and he buys Dunder Mifflin and sells it for scraps and takes pleasure in firing everyone because the idea of a small paper company…

Abed isn't even the most annoying character on Community
Hint: It is Shirley.

If my marriage is ever on the rocks I'll remember what The Office taught me tonight. Just remember back to happier times, hug your spouse, hand them an umbrella even though its sunny out, and all your problems will vanish!

Let me describe Natalie Portman's character so that you can get a taste of what Garden State is about.
-She wears a helmet because of a medical condition
-She has elaborate funerals for her many pets
-She has many pets
-And a black step brother
-She is one of the worlds best figure skaters
-She is a compulsive liar

The difference being that I still like Andy and April 5 seasons in. Couldn't say that about Jim and Pam.

Yeah, maybe she'll get out of politics. Which I wouldn't mind. Her running for mayor or something would feel like a rehash after her campaign for city council.

I was fine with them shutting down public transportation for various reasons. And without public transportation the city just won't function so it made sense to shut down businesses and schools. 
A couple of my friends were told to still report to work downtown. I was annoyed by that and was glad they didn't show up.

Who was cheering his death? You do understand that people were on lockdown in their homes all day and fearing for their lives, right? I couldn't go anywhere if I wanted to because the subway was shut down. Many of these people knew someone who was killed or injured. I think chanting "USA! USA!" is kinda dumb but…

You could say he was Thurston for Moore sex!

Hey, don't judge. The things that man can do with his fingers…

Which one of you is from Universe A and which one is from Universe B?

Yes. Are they gonna renew it? They should renew it.

Christina Hendricks makes my Johnnie Walkers go Blue.

Its weird and kind of ugly but also mesmerizing. Sort of like most Radiohead songs.