Each night I ask the stars up above—
Why must I be a teen Mormon in love?

I'm not saying it's essential, and I don't mean to impugn English Bill, Michael Clayton, Captain Ron Mexico or The Juggernaut, Bitch—or anyone else who chooses not to register—but I'll wager they've never been a victim of rampant identity theft commenting either. It changes things when you see your name attached to…

Can Let the Right One In and Twilight be said to be attempting the same thing?

Say, do you know Nicole Johnson, Miss America 1999? She was diagnosed with diabetes in 1993. Unlike those other downer diabetic TV advocates with their "check your blood sugar often" and "Woe is me—I'm tired of coding and pricking my finger", the chipper Ms. Johnson makes it sound like diabetes is like the coolest…

I guess every generation gets the vampire saga it deserves.

"Why is this movie blue?"

Let's do bowling! I am also interesting to shop and make laughing.

'Bunnicula: The Motion Picture'

In ten years Scorcese will be 87. So I'm thinking he'd have to be working on 'The Last Temptation of Matlock".

Responding Pithily Every Time One's Name is Somewhat Mentioned: Necessary?

Type all the poetry you want, it can't beat "for realsies".

"more comments about how low self esteem in teengae girls must be"

When he likes something, he enthusiatically says "Now, THAT's what I'm talking about!"—even when he hasn't been talking at all. He does this because he's seen people on TV do it. It was therefore (again, in not quite his own words) a "No brainer".

"when did Americans lose the "a" from paedophile"

vis-a-vis unregistered motherfuckers—

All I can say is, there is another film that gets more directly at the the layers of creepiness associated with pedophilia and the agelessness of vampires and I am, of course, referring to 'Let the Right One in' which does everything 'Twilight' wants to, but without glamorizing or romanticizing anything or playing to…

Kristen Stewart
She has got to be the least charismatic lead female in a teen movie I've ever seen (and I've seen 'Girls Just Want to Have Fun'). Admittedly, I haven't seen more than the trailers, and until it comes to FX on a Sunday afternoon when I'm cleaning my apartment anyway, I never will—but she has a stilted,…

Aw hell, Incredulous, I may have even had yours.

Making lazy jokes out of M. Night Shyamalan's funny sounding-foreign name—What a tweest!

Among the great things aboiut 'Last Temptation of Christ' is the depiction of Jesus at the onset of his "calling" as if he's having a psychotic break.