She wants to have my abortion.

Or "Deliver me from clever art!"

Hey! That's my sister! Watch it, bub!

All Danielle Steele, all the time!

Considering the AV Club Newswire could lately be renamed "The Shitty Movie Remake Notification Wire" or some such, I wouldn't hold my breath if I was Trainwrexxx.

I am
…the AV Club's burning rancor toward this moron.

Ridiculous.
When does it end?

It's true. He'll affirm your existence all night long.

That's no way to talk about Hayden Panettiere.

Shit, I knew that back in 1988, when Real Men starred James Belushi and John Ritter.

Well, the McRib can't be helping.

I haven't seen so quick a conclusion of "People = Dicks" since Paris Hilton used to post here.

That was heavy.

The proprietors of Blabbity Outboard Motors must be delighted.

And then punched him with your k-nuckles.

I did it all for the gnocchi.

@Nards:

Goddamnit, I KNEW I should have said something the other day when some British guy tried to start a slow clap.

160? Come on. Do scales even go that high?

(fucks himself, satisfyingly, in a soft-focus pre-emptive strike)