I'm still saving up for the headlights for my slippers.

It took an entire year to clear up?

Cameras for white people only: AngloPro

There is no excuse.

Are you trying to sell bottled water?

"He slimed me!"
-Dr. Peter Venkman, 30 years ago

You can dance if you want to, you can leave your friends behind.

If every poster at the A. V. Club put our money together, she would still have more money then we do combined. I don't really feel that sorry for her. Yes it sucks to get stolen from but in the end she wouldn't notice the difference at the bank.

To show your appreciation, when he drops the bass you should drop the deuce.

I need to refill my halogen fluid so that I can shine a light on this subject.

That's not barns they are erecting.

I can't stand Twitter. The birds keep pooping on my typewriter.

*Re-written like a song*

You should be spanked for that.

She's old enough now, right?

A. V. Club: Gross, older guys with weird limps.

"Dick Dynasty. The only thing different is 'U'"

Or curling.

Count me out of this pun-fest.

Week 1.Tries to go camping but wife make him do chores
Week 2.Tries to go to football game but wife makes him do chores
Week 3.Tries to hang out with guy friends but wife makes him do chores…