Yeah, but baseball players will still have a chance to be able to carry on a conversation when they're fifty and a football player can only drool, piss himself, or perhaps commit suicide because of the brain damage.

And now, another episode of Dick Doctor, Private Investigator. It was a cool morning in L.A., and when I got to my office my bombshell receptionist Conceita nodded at the waiting room. It was Lieutenant Sitesucks, again. It had been two weeks…a long interval for him not to be visiting, and I knew he either he wanted…

Dear Smokey Martling:
In response to your question, your brown poo was purchased by McDonalds and is an ingredient in the new Neurotic McShitburger.
Sincerely,
Mr. Hart
Tracer of all things

I'm just sorry Gerald Ford was never on The Love Boat. Epic hilarity would have ensued, I'm sure.

I wanna see Squeaky hit back.

Jeez! Get down on a guy because they took the publicity shots before his dealer arrived, will ya? Show some empathy there, Borneo!

No, the moustache, silly. Stern's transgender.

I really, really like the guy as an actor and a person but am now concerned that he has too many dear friends. If he refers to a person as just a 'friend', does that mean he goes and pisses on their garage at night? Where's the dividing line?

A lesbian James Bond…hmmm…I smell fan fiction being typed even now. Or perhaps a graphic novel, which would have the advantage of being…you know…more graphic. If this be sexism, let us make the most of it, Dr. No…

I for one will not mock you. And I will bring you toffee when they put you in the institution and pull out all your teeth so you won't bite through the straitjacket.

The 'Dead Kennedys' and 'You Will Know Them by The Trail of Dead' must really piss her off.

The interviewer not knowing the reference to the origin of their name and informing this bimbette is where the article began the process of losing me wholly. Before that I was just going "who is this dipshit?" But I read on, curious if it'd make sense…and when it got to the questions—actually her opinions—about the…

You can read? Wow. Does your mother know this?

"Don't You Want Me Baby" is in the running for the biggest piece of shit song ever made. (along with about 100K others) Don't you want me? No. Why? You're a whiny jerkoff. End of story.

We can hope.

Your willingness to sacrifice brings a tear to my eye. Make it so, Number One. Have Dr. Crusher harvest his organs and throw him out the transporter bay.

Or London Weekend Television…home of Upstairs, Downstairs. (or, as you folks don't know it, the show Downton Abbey copied)

And it's as Dr. Egon said: if you cross the streams, it will be "bad".

You can't find any SNL sketch online. Lorne Michaels is relentless in killing them all so he can sell them on DVD instead.

My fave Buddy Rich story: years ago when I lived in NJ one of the stations did a live remote of his band at a NYC club, and the band was pretty incredible; he was, as usual, better. But they TORE through one song—about 8:00 in length—full-bore, amazing playing, and when the applause finally died down, some guy in the…