All these years later, Justin Guarini has returned, doing a second-rate Prince impression for Dr. Pepper commercials.

Yeah, it's hard for a non-fan to have any sympathy for this show going away, because "American Idol" isn't dead, only dormant. As soon as Fox has a gaping hole in its programming schedule, "Idol" will be back.

When Merle Haggard was a rising country music star, fans would constantly tell him or write to him that he was a great musician, but wished that his songs weren't all about criminals and rabble-rousers. He wrote "Okie from Muskogee" to mock all of those people with the lamest tribute imaginable; sure enough, they…

I see what you're saying, but still, there are a lot of fitness-oriented circles out there who have co-opted the term to mean "anyone who doesn't have a six-pack."

When Sabonis finally came over to play for the Portland Trail Blazers in the 1990s, the team doctors gave him a physical. The results showed Sabonis had enough damage to his knees, feet, and ankles to qualify for a handicapped parking space in the state of Oregon.

"Skinny-fat" is even worse than plus-size: it implies that being a healthy person doesn't matter if you aren't perfect in every way.

ESPN must have told Walton, "these Pac-12 games come on at midnight on the East Coast; we're giving you free rein to say whatever you want."

Arvydas Sabonis' son plays for Gonzaga now; Walton has been on assignment for a few Gonzaga games in the past two seasons, and he has gushingly brought up how good of a player the elder Sabonis was every time.

I would not want to place a label on Amy Schumer's body. She's not plus-size; if a gun was put against my head, I would call her "skinny-fat." In a lot of ways, that label carries with it an even bigger load of bullshit: that even if you carry healthy body weight and adhere to an active lifestyle, you should still…

I forget who it was, but several years ago, an actress who was already thin then lost more weight than is likely medically advisable. On an awards-show red carpet interview, she raved about her new body, saying "clothes hang on me so well now."

Palm oil is the main fat component in Cracklin' Oat Bran, my favorite breakfast cereal. If Leo is going to get between me and my Cracklin' Oat Bran, he can go to Hell!

Yeah, but Hollywood didn't abandon the Hays Code until, what…1968? Before that, you couldn't get away with a character making a profane quip before blowing someone away. Understandably, it would have taken filmmakers a few years to perfect the art.

"Hey There Delilah" is a strange case, though, because it peaked on rock stations many months before pop radio picked it up.

"Get Lucky" is definitely a qualifier. It even reached the top ten on the Latin music charts, that's how ubiquitous that song became.

I think that IS the joke.

Now I'm trying to think of all the songs in recent years that have been inescapable in that regard: receiving heavy airplay on top-40, alternative, R&B, and hot AC stations at its peak. I can think of three so far (besides "Crazy").

Please tell me you didn't the whole thing in one sitting.

Who wants to know?

I don't know where he's getting the racism from. For all the complaints you can throw at them, Dave Matthews Band is almost certainly the least racist successful rock group of the last 25 years, and I'm not inclined to argue that their fanbase is completely oblivious to that fact.

I see your recommendation, and respond with: