I understand it can be difficult, but my point is it's his responsibility to work on or find the solution; and if he doesn't, he is saying she's not worth the effort. There's not a lot of possible advice for her, on her own, other than divorce. Her prodding him and him grudgingly moving an inch or two is unlikely to…

If we're deciding what "should" happen, he "should" realize this is what he's doing to her and actually care. Since he doesn't, she should divorce him.

That fits in with the stereotype, but honestly, having spent some hours in the dark places of the internet (the deadbedroom subreddit) you realize that there are lots and lots of men who would definitely complain.

Oh, and I'm pretty sure the subtext of "for better or worse" is financial.

The general expectation in a romantic relationship is that when you are promise to love someone, that includes expressions of love, and one of the most powerful and most universal of these is sex (can sex be other things, too? Of course). This is the "party line" and if you don't subscribe to it, it's incumbent on you…

It's not even that unusual.

This doesn't help people who already messed up and fell into a marriage with these sucky attributes, but mostly I think it's valuable for people to see this stuff, and realize "Oh, I should maybe be *really fucking sure* my future husband/ wife actually knows and wants *me*" before marrying them.

The problem here is that the wrong partner is writing in looking for advice, only he can fix it. The only thing Dan can do to actually address the problem would be to provide advice by proxy ("he should do this"); and inevitably any advice he gives the letter-writer is going to kind of suck (and it does).

I think the both of you (and Dan, to an extent) are missing the point, which is that what a lot of us want out of our marital relationship isn't the "act" of sex—something a "lower-libido" partner might "suck it up" and perform—but we want a partner who desires us.

You would, really?

Do a sport where the opposite of hands—feet—are used. A foot-ball sport, one might say. Then hand-eye coordination will be less relevant.

Don't forget that the pursuing partner needs to do more—candy, backrubs, or dishes—but then of course no effort at candy, backrubs or dishes actually helps because they're only doing these things to get sex, so they don't count.

Renown's a tall order, and it might depend what you consider small, but there are little hippie college towns where environmental awareness and social justice talk is rampant and everyone would certainly be aghast at the use of a homophobic slur in public.

When it's Hitler's mom.

None of those "holes" about the village bothered me.

I think we need to imagine a gritty reboot of Walter Mitty.

Yes, my first girlfriend said it back to me and then later admitted she lied about it, it felt devastating.

I have been surprised that this is a thing, that there are large numbers of men who actually don't care about the pleasure of the woman they're with. It's such a weird perspective to me and so counter to the basics of human relations that I'm befuddled by how common it apparently is.

Yes, if you've ever bothered to dissect the clitoris out of a woman before beginning to fuck them, you'd already know the answer to his question.

I found the bitchy tone of this old letter really annoying, something about it really rubbed me the wrong way. Just like a dumb breeder boy!