Banging three teenaged callgirls, while he snorts coke off Beyonce's bare back, while he makes a killing on the Twitter IPO, and then using his erect penis to ring the opening bell at the stock market. Probably.

What's up with the bitch standing in the field of Tribbles?

She's like the Canadian Oprah.

The floor, like everybody in the South.

You remind me a lot of her dad in Winter's Bone, BTW.

This story sounds like the Alternate Earth version of Hipster DBag.

Glasses on, hair up!

On the plus side, he did get to see attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.

They said that about irony too.

Act of God maybe?

HA!!! GOOD ONE!

I can't favorite this enough.

That guy… What a brown-noser.

Dick Butkis.

Way to give Dan another life goal.

I'd watch this if her name was "Kick Assigan."

"Coach."

Balnogs?

Here, maybe this'll help you out: "naked Courtney Love."
You're welcome in advance.

Gotcha. MOCK HARDER.