But it's my only account!

Tobias had other ideas, and immediately set about preparing for the role of Frank Drebin by asking the nearest motorcyclist if he wanted two tickets to the naked gun show.

But we got a great Newswire out of it.

Gene was far from the best.

Two more great quotes, this time on movies he loved.

Honestly, reading this comment thread (indeed this whole comment section) has been a source of comfort to me. I'm glad other people felt similarly and connected to Ebert as strongly as I did.

My favorite Ebert reviews are his Great Movies, but he wrote some of the greatest burns of all time. This is one of my two or three all-time favorites.

In all sincerity, gimmick account aside, this man has been one of my heroes and role models my entire career as a writer. The words I string together in real life, for my two jobs and writing purely for pleasure, reflect a lot of Ebert's philosophy of style:

The difference is Stephen Fry is a vaguely snobbish but likable, relateable gent with a human side, whereas Piers Morgan is a smug asswipe who was hounded out of Britain when they got sick of his bullshit.

It will be good for you all to hear me again.

Dory, ever forgetful, wakes up not knowing where she is, who she is, or where she's come from, but on her body is tattooed a name: the name of the fish who murdered Nemo and dealt her a savage blow to the skull. She sets off on a brutal quest for vengeance, along the way searching for clues help her remember her…

Notice how they smoke the marijuana like a cigarette.

Tyler Perry's Confessions of a Dangerous Tyler Perry to the Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Tyler Perry

Hey, that's a picture of me!

Meanwhile, Tobias sat by the phone, waiting to hear back from Michael Bay about his audition for the role of Sewage Attendant #2.

Adam Scott and Matt Besser make me think they should do a Comedy Bang Bang episode where everyone plays "Office" characters. Adam Scott can be Jim, Matt Besser can be Dwight, Jason Mantzoukas can be Andy, Marissa Wompler can be Pam, and Paul F. Tompkins as Garry Marshall can be Michael Scott.

I come from the future to point out that the string quartet in the Eagleton park is playing "Deutschland, Deutschland Uber Alles," national anthem of the Third Reich.

I come from the future to point out that the string quartet in the Eagleton park is playing "Deutschland, Deutschland Uber Alles," national anthem of the Third Reich.

There was some real shoddy narrating. Just pure crap.

Silverstein once recorded one of his actual children's poems, "Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take the Garbage Out." The poem's just the same as it is in his adorable books.