Nah, the guy who took that admitted on his deathbed that it was just his friend in a Sean Penn suit.

Hey, where'd you get that coat?

He's the full hot orator.

Perfect. Like a dry Tanqueray martini with a toothpick full of olives.

I've yet to hear this band, but from now on I'm automatically dismissing any musical act that features a brown-haired girl with bangs. TIME FOR A NEW TREND, SELF-CONSCIOUSLY ARTY CHICKS.

I got kicked out of a McDonald's in White Plains once. My cousin and I were being creative with ketchup packets in the restroom.

So very, very wrong.

"Gin martini" is redundant. A martini is made with gin. If you use vodka, it's a vodka martini. It's also an abomination.

So many people dislike gin. I don't get it. I even like cheap gin, and that's the only spirit I can say that about.

*removes Drive from Netflix queue*

Hey you guys, tonight's episode of Portlandia is the one that was filmed at my friends' house! That scene from the promos with Kristen Wiig holding the cauliflower between her thighs? That was actually their cauliflower, and they had no idea she did that, and they totally ate it without knowing it had been in Kristen…

Ugh, Tonalli's is gnarly. And Voodoo is the single most-overrated thing in PDX.

I think Levy looks way more artificial (for lack of a better term) than Stone. No one's skin should be that perfect.

They do that thing where everybody switches instruments. I love bands that do that.

Which, speaking of, I found out about this band through the video for "Yoo Hoo", which is still probably my favorite song of theirs. I really dig the use of breathing as percussion, and it has arguably the best example of that. In pop music, at least.

"Did I ever tell you about…Rosa Coletti?"
"Who's that, Creed?"
"The prostitute I murdered in Reno."
*Audience laughs hysterically*

Adorable, precocious youngsters with at least one dead parent.

Fabricated American, please.

Seriously though, is that supposed to be a thing? Women not liking Monty Python? Because I don't think I know a single woman that that's true of.

Holy crap, Bailey Quarters. I never understood how anyone could find Loni Anderson attractive when Jan Smithers was in the same room.