"After months of testing seemingly every hot young actor in Hollywood, Jeremy Renner has…"
So wait, Renner spent months "testing" every hot young actor in Hollywood before finally landing on the A-list? Dang, if someone had told me it was as easy as tracking down the stars and banging them, I could've salvaged my…

I'm so out of the loop, I thought Super 8 was Valve's surprise new IP.

Nope, quite the reverse. Here in Orange County, the bus stop posters that usually advertise Red Riding Hood and Arthur have spent the past week quite unnecessarily trying to raise my awareness of Portal 2. Even my 50-something neighbors (who apparently spend their entire waking lives watching terrible TV and have not…

Apparently tons of people have Killing Floor, actually; it's had four or five thousand players at a time and still has been one of the slowest-filling bars (the rate's based on the percentage of installed userbase, apparently). Is it any good? My first thought is that it looks like Left 4 Dead, but then that reminds…

Oh, wait, GLaDOS is finally eating her french fries. Maybe I'll get to play tonight after all. Still, it would've been nice if it'd been ready for the weekend. I could have stayed home the whole time, but instead I went out and biked 30 miles and made $35 busking at the pier! It was horrible, Valve is dead to me now.

RagingBear: Cheer up, at this rate it looks like it'll be three and a half hours early. Oh boy. I can't wait to stay up until 3 AM on a work night to see the title screen of Portal 2.

This statement is false!

"Rio could use fresher ingredients and more spice."
You heard it, Fox! The AV Club demands its birds younger and more naked. Get plucking!

I just want my Hitman/Kingdom Hearts crossover, and I'll be happy.

Andrew Chambliss
I haven't seen the Vampire Diaries and thus had little interest in the headline… But then, wait, Andrew Chambliss? The guy who wrote probably the best single episode of Dollhouse ("A Spy In The House Of Love")? I mean, I know that's a low bar to clear… But it was legitimately great.

I am a potato with bear DNA who receives the world with a naively sunny outlook.

I somehow get the feeling that Justin Bieber's handlers finally gave him too much meth.

It's not the house that's haunted…
It's the garage, but just the back ten feet or so. You might need to park in the driveway, unless you got one of those little smart car dealies, but otherwise you should be OK. Oh, and also, the termites got in under the sink, but we have the bug guys coming in to take a look at it…

An adventure… beyond the pail.

Um, of course. It's a fantasy movie. Fantasy by definition is either:

The bit about Abigail Breslin certainly made me happy with the laughs and the humor.

Yeah, I don't get the outrage. Miss Marple is canonically Really Old, right? And Garner is, let's see, in her late 30s — so, also Really Old. Practically dead. For God's sake, just because the other Marples were, what was it? In their 40s? That doesn't mean a 38-year-old actress can't play the part, at least until she…

Regarding playing Pokemon in public:

At eight years old, I knew substantially more about all those, but thankfully since then alcohol has enabled me to retreat to a less complicated world.

Fuck yeah, Sean O'Neal!