The ball doesn't represent weaponry in the analogy. It is the position on the battlefield.

Hey, there are less likable coaches in the NFL. There's…uh…is Rich Kotite still coaching?

NFL coaches always complain about the rules when they don't go in their favor. Compared to some NFL rules, though, this particular one is fairly straightforward (and actually pretty basic to the concept of the game).

Yeah, not too bad.

Do they still put baseball cards in packages of Jimmy Dean sausage?

And the original Fritos are only made with three ingredients, which practically makes it health food.

Chili Cheese Fritos are really good. Like, I could eat them everyday if I allowed myself to.

The floor? Hey man, me too.

She could play the woman Affleck thinks is his sister, but is actually his mother. Naturally, this role would require nudity.

I can't help but like Kevin Hart. His stand-up is good, even if it is more about story-telling rather than punchlines, a la Gabriel Iglesias. His movies are only okay for the most part and he doesn't have much range as an actor, but after first seeing him so long ago in a small role in Undeclared, I'm glad he's gotten…

When they finally figure out how he actually does that thing to his hair.

We're gonna need Petty in to translate.

This sounds like something Jack Handey would write.

Why didn't they give Spock the Peace Prize after he made friends with the whales?

I love Leonard Cohen and Joni Mitchell, but Dylan had a lifetime's worth of great material before they even started making records. John Wesley Harding came out the same year as the first Cohen album and a year before Mitchell's. That means he had already done The Times They Are A Changin', Freewheelin', Highway 61…

The last one is especially good because you can get drunk and they also might have food there.

Ease of body disposal?

Not only are all those cups of coffee his, so are all those packs of cigarettes behind him. That guy is jacked up.

I can see a montage of him being driven mad, walking down city streets, looking into cafe windows and seeing people enjoying coffee, laughing, clanking cups, watermarked layers of flowing beans passing by his eyes, his hands shaking, and muttering 'they're all doing it! They're all killing themselves! I must be the…

He'll just make all the people who buy organic decaf sign a list so we'll know who all the pansies are.