SAVAGE ANIMAL, Shaq

Plus he's one of the few Cleveland exports I'm not terribly ashamed of.

I like how she spelled heroin correctly.

That's one tall glass of Haterade you're sipping on there, Mongo.

Isn't the latter known simply as the "NBA?"

They're all ripping off the Rolling Stones; deadly since 1969!

Fuck all these firsties, and fuck your short memory.

If it weren't for bad taste…

How did you possibly know that it rained on my wedding day? In Jamaica?

Arsenio- It is my firm belief that someone on the right will drop the N-bomb before BO's first term is done. My money is split between Glen Beck and Ms. Coulter. It's right there, bubbling just below the surface.

"Taking it to the next level" makes me stabby.

Whenever I have cocaine on me, the wimins come runnin'.

The wall should have read "GRUNGE."

That's nothing! You should see how old my shaving razor is. It's got whiskers from Bush's first term!

You'll love him after he dies. Just like Elvis.

Pedro and Zimmer will never not be funny.

You should rinse your coffee cup more frequently.

Just like my Communication Studies degree.

Thanks for the laugh folks, I needed it. Good to see you, Chang.

Dark Chocolate Peanut M&M's are my new favorite candy, but like Tragic Farce, I'm waiting on those dark chocolate peanut butter thingies.