That pretty well sums up the lyrics of GnR's entire catalogue: "B"-grade songwriting by someone with the mind of a 14-year-old.

If they did that, the AV Club would go from the 24-hour-news-cycle juggernaut it is now to a semi-weekly. The Mary Sue would cease to exist.

I hear Teck-Money is the Austrian Hasselhoff.

Just one, if his punctuation is credible.

The ABCs of Sweden (according to Americans):

It really just filled in its own blanks.

Ser Davos can't bust heads like he used to. But he has his ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time he caught the ferry to Bravos. He needed a new heel for his shoe. So he decided to go to Riverdale, which is what they called Riverrun in those days. So he tied an onion to his knight…

Hey, at least he got the fuck out of Dodge before Stannis the Baby Burner got what was coming to him.

I'm saying you're giving C3PO a run for his money in the literal-mindedness department.

Because no one proofread it?

Why? Did the failure of Heavy Metal 2000 precipitate a format change or something?

When did Heavy Metal stop being about hot chicks in chain mail and start being about sad dudes in flannel shirts?

Man Mothra.

Really! It's like why are we even talking about movies and pop culture? Don't we know people are DYING in the Middle East and global warming is a threat to the whole PLANET??

I consider this comment to be more evidence that there was no way TFA couldn't succeed, both commercially and critically. The expectations were both rock-bottom, given how bad the prequels were, and sky-high, given moviegoers will trudge to the theaters with any thing with the "Star Wars" name on it.

Leia's childhood: "Dad? Can I have another space pony?" "Of course you can! You're a princess!"

Haven't watched that trailer yet, but it's good that they're reaching into other genres. This works when Marvel Studios does it, but they're already working with dozens of established, marketable characters. The Star Wars universe has the problem of trying to conjure characters people want to see from nothing. (I know…

I don't have to see it, and probably won't unless it's fucking great, but if I'm going to endure another nine months of OMGSTARWARSSTARWARSSTARWARS, I at least need to feel like the hype is building toward something more than something to use as an excuse to avoid family holiday obligations for a few hours.

Remind me the purpose of this film? I mean other than cramming more Star Wars into our headholes long enough to pick our pockets AGAIN.

I thought you were referring to the TMZ people. I would hardly describe AV Club's content-recycle monkeys as "reporters."