That's my theory. Otherwise, I get depressed.

Don't the contestants pretty much have to like it? Their tenure on the show is subject to Mary's whims. If I were an SYTYCD dancer, I'd certainly pretend to be thrilled.

I was surprised at the bench dance; for a Mia routine, it was surprisingly lacking in histrionics, dysfunction and crazy bitches.

I feel bad for Katie Holmes, honestly. Damn near anyone would look talentless compared to Judy Garland. Her "Get Happy" makes me want to get religion.

Doc Cochran is far and away my favorite character on this show. He is fearless in his misery, afraid of nothing on earth except his own capacity to do harm. Even better than the confrontation with Cy is the run-in with Wolcott at the end of the episode: "However you accomplish communication with that son of a bitch,…

Richard Schiff is so fucking great
"Celestial Navigation" is one of my favorite episodes, and the whole business with CJ and Josh and Charlie is very, very funny, but until reading this recap I had completely forgotten about every subplot outside of the Mendoza story. It all faded into the background behind Toby's…

I never found Wolcott interesting at all, and I say this as a huge fan of the amoral and the sociopathic in fiction.

I'm pretty sure the show used to want us to believe that the picks were random, but the illusion has clearly become untenable at this point. Thanks for answering my question, Lindsay.

Last night was excruciating. I love this show, but the more the judges are allowed to talk, the less watchable it is. Keep it under thirty seconds, for the love of God.

The world desperately needs a 50-year moratorium on "O Fortuna". I couldn't even watch that routine, I was so annoyed at the musical choice.

Let's all talk about Randi's ass
since it's apparently the best thing that ever happened to contemporary dance since Mia Michaels.

"Mornings and evenings"
Considering how important it is to Joanie's character arc, I can't believe no one has yet mentioned the astounding scene in "Sold Under Sin" where Joanie brings Alma her father's teeth.

Hip-hop routines do vary in quality on SYTYCD—and I don't think krumping lends itself terribly well to choreography, although Lil C obviously doesn't agree with me—but I always want more hip-hop dancers on the show, because their solos are usually fantastic, and I watch the show for that, too. Twitch, Hok or Philip…

I started the season a little skeptical, but, strangely enough, the more people hate on Asuka, the more I want her to win.

Melissa and Ade are both exceptionally good-looking—Melissa's abs, Jesus Christ—but I couldn't concentrate on anything during their routine except, "My God, look how that poor girl's dressed."

I think—again, having never met the woman, but having met quite a few people with the same kind of demeanor—that Asuka is very driven, not demonstrative and maybe a bit shy, and the combination initially reads as arrogance to most people.

Personally, I'm hoping Karla has staying power, because she is ludicrously hot. Am I alone in this?

I'm going to save Genevieve some time by recapping all the opening solos of the female contemporary dancers: High kick. Spin. Wiggle ass. Repeat until the earth crashes into the sun.