I would have rather watched two and a half hours of Key and Peele's version.

You'll be ok. I have connections, if you know what I mean.

Don't worry. They couldn't hear me.

http://images5.fanpop.com/i…

Coolcoolcool. So I was thinking about auditioning to be a Scarowinds actor. I was walking around the house all day saying things like, "I'm going to eat your soul" and, "Do you want to play with me?" You know, normal things. I was also giggling and skipping around. I saw some people walking by and I said, "I'm going…

I whispered, "I'm going to kill you" to two little boys walking outside. Would this sound better if I gave you the context to this?

….. Yes. I meant that kind of coke. But *whispers* I have connections, if you know what I mean.

Happy Birthday, people who were born many years ago today.

May I suggest coke?

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. There are like a billion reruns with his episodes running.

Sperm bank

He is literally a bag of garbage. Yes, literally.

I GOT YOUR CAT

It's not the worst Chuck Lorre show. It might actually be one of the best actually… (the standard is low)

First off, who decided that it would be a good idea to put two live events next to each other.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

YOU SOUND JUST LIKE BONGOES! Fine! I'm leaving *flies away*

I'm just thinking that maybe she was somehow roped into thinking up names for this VH1 special at a board meeting and this is what she came up with. And everyone else thought that it was genius.

There's no possible way that Britta was NOT involved. I would have loved to have been in that board meeting.

Happy birthday! Or have a sad birthday. Do want you want. I'm not your boss.