Except the lack of cholesterol, which I guess is only a health advantage if you're the type who is trying to watch that kind of thing.

Simply ask your partner to prepare and consume a package of fine HORMEL® BLACK LABEL® Bacon 18-24 hours before your desired rim job sesh and it'll be "released," all right.

Oh dogg the steak wasn't even the first course. IIRC it came out near last, as a "big surprise" kind of unveiling after other courses of prawns, fish, probably some kind of turkey stand-in…I don't remember everything they cooked for us.

I had steak in India once.

Easily my favorite singer to have come from the grunge era. I'll be playing "Can't Change Me" on heavy rotation today.

A friend got me some Watershed gin that had been aged in a bourbon barrel. Maybe I'd feel different after a blind taste test but I just can't get past the idea of a brown gin.

Try the Fast Gin Fizz: Code Red Mountain Dew + gin of your choice, mixed to taste.

Your head needs an enema.

Hey, everyone! It's Diane Keaton!!

I grew up in Cuyahoga Falls, which is home to Blossom Music Center, which is always listed as "Cleveland" on various tour schedules and concert t-shirts even though it's like 30 miles from actually being IN Cleveland proper.

Dude's 34 now? Jeepers! Tay looks like he hasn't aged a….

Get 12 Alec Baldwins together to reprise all the roles in his "The Mimic" sketch and we're really cooking with gas.

MY 32-foot ladder? Oh, great. Like it wasn't enough to steal our JOBS, now they're also taking our ladders!

If I pull the ladder up and lower it down on the opposite side, how will my fellow job thieves climb up behind me? Two ladders makes for a WAY more efficient system.

Every time I climb a really tall ladder, it tips away from the wall just as I get to the top and I fall flat on my back with a hilarious "thud," like that scene in Animal House.

Yes, you CAN buy a 32-foot ladder, smartass. But HOW WILL YOU GET BACK DOWN THE OTHER SIDE????

As long as it loosens my phlegm, I'm all for it.

Paul Rust is ALL ABOUT chemistry. So much so, in fact, you might say that he's a regular Walter White over here.

Very similar to how George Lucas decided that Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes would play "jizz" music, except in that situation no one misheard or misspelled anything and George Lucas is just a dipshit about some things.

It's a hell of a day at sea, Sir!