If I don't survive, send my wife this video.

MOCK TRIAL WITH J REINHOLD! MOCK TRIAL WITH J REINHOLD! MOCK TRIAL!

It's ok, he wiped it on the same pants he's been wearing since the apocalypse started.

But then Billy Zane would probably end up talking about the futility of having abs in the apocalypse.

Everyone underestimates the simplicity and effectiveness of wood.

"Don't worry about it" implies the action is happening in the present.

I was only passively listening to the show by the time that sketch came on, but yowza.

Mitt Romney can see Canada from his backyard.

What is the deal with Jack White's transition from all girl backup band to an all dude backup band?

Oh god…

Whiter until you enter the metro area.

Minnesota resident here.

I was just glad she fixed those Pennywise the Clown teeth.

I'd say we should counterspam, but it's 9am on Monday morning so I could really not give any less of a shit.

Don't worry about it.

I'm just curious if these peoples' kids know they're on "cafemom" because it sounds dirty.

The bowl of Alphabits I ate this morning claimed that "mxvw".

I heard he used their last wish on a lapdance.

I almost threw something at the TV when I saw they were recycling not 1 but 2 of those things.

With much liter.