Longtime Padres fan - yes, we exist. While I love Petco Park, being at a packed Qualcomm Stadium at a division series game (it was against Houston, a game 3 to clinch, 1998), listening to 67,000+ fans taking "apeshit" to new heights when those bells began to clang, Hoffman taking his time getting to the mound - that…

The Jayhawks. "Hollywood Town Hall" is a masterpiece, "Tomorrow The Green Grass" is almost as great. They have a second chance now that Louris and Olson are back together. DON'T FUCK THIS UP, AMERICA.

His nose hair is serpentine - tine - tine.

Baby, please! I am not from Havana!

"Hey, where the white women at?"

Somewhere in America, Michael Dudikoff weeps silent tears.

"SALT! SALT! SALT!" - Frat dickheads listening to "Margaritaville", searching for that elusive shaker of the aforementioned.

Raise your hand if you've been to a Garth Brooks concert. (Raises hand.)

Sharks On A Plane. Make it happen, Hollywood.

So does the JLA reboot mean that I have to go back and read the Flashpoint books to understand what's going on? Also,I read and liked Chaykin's "Blackhawk" miniseries back in college. Should I be looking forward to "Blackhawks"? I want to read comics, but I know little of such matters.

Really like Perrotta. Little Children is a great book, and the movie is excellent as well - actually liked that (IMHO) the tone of the film was much darker than the novel, which was interesting considering that Perrotta wrote the screenplay.

Making fun of someone for tattooing Billy Joel lyrics? Glass houses, O'Neal. Glass houses.

Set in Russia, you say? "You are American cowboy, eh, tovarich? Like, ah…Ivan Wayne?" "Yippee-ki-yayski, motherfucker." ('Motherfucker' assumes that the film won't be PG-13; if so, replace 'motherfucker' with sound of explosion.)

Wait - Willie Nelson's gay?

Explosions, Gatling guns and karate don't make sense for this? Explain, please.

SPOILER ALERT: In the last 15 minutes of the series finale, it's revealed that the Indians are really angels.

I always found it interesting/funny/sad/ironic/telling that Rage Against The Machine were nowhere to be found during the Bush years.

Fox passed on this? This is why we can't have nice things.

And here we pause to remember the anonymous Onion writer who coined the headline "Rubber-Faced Fartsmith Is America's Sweetheart". These days, it's only half-true, but still.

"Mat Men".