OK, whatchya wanna do is avoid the PCH altogether. I recommend hopping on the 10 taking that out to the 15 and head north till the 395 where you'll wanna just keep going till you run outta gas in the middle of the dessert and then get out and keep walking until you collapse from dehydration and soon you'll lose…

Baby, we were born to immolate in a hellacious traffic pile up.

People, this is why it's a good idea to always have a video camera with you, especially when you're out on National Let the Blind People Drive on Public Highways Day.

"You bloated Sarlacc of protoplasm!"

The babysitter called. She said she can't get your your son to come out of the 1/10th scale Millennium Falcon that you built in your basement out of parts from your old Ford Galaxie and your daughter's American Girl doll house. Hmmph.

I'm sure the next movie explains Hans' colostomy bag satchel.

That sense of space, of allowing a joke to blossom, to resonate, is something that can't be taught. It's instinctual, like a finely tuned ear for music. Some people are just tone deaf when it comes to comedy, which helps explain the popularity of certain examples of entertainment which are actually quite inept and…

Hey WTF?! How dare you! Why I oughtta… Aw, I see what you did there. You clever little scamp. Now get back in your cage, before you poop on the rug again.

Just 3 sentences in and I could already tell it's a dreadful miss. Maybe if it were voiced by James Earl Jones or Alec Baldwin I might tolerate the corny, trite narration. Or even Stephen Baldwin. Hmmph.

I don't know if he likes sleeping with little girls. It's possible he indulges his carnal impulses at spontaneous, unplanned moments taking advantage of coincidental circumstances, such as somehow finding himself alone with a girl in a bedroom into which he followed the girl and locked the door behind himself…

It's longer than any viable, worthwhile society would allow. Hmmp

"I've seen better parenting from Hitler."

B) Is actually just a version of A) in that B) enjoys the the back and forth, an exchange of insults seemingly just as much as if it were an exchange of compliments. But B) is certainly much more sociable than A), and can even be fun. I relate to B), I deeply appreciate a good natured, respectful battle of insults. My…

There are more jokes or gag in an episode of Happy Endings but they aren't set up very well. The show lacked a certain rhythm, it had inadequate comedic timing, and good timing is essential for a joke to be fully appreciated. If you just string together a series of punchlines without supplying proper set ups it…

Sam Kineson wins this match. He not only disses the idiot's mom, he does a great bit of theater with his sperm gurgling.

If I actually have to explain to you how similar Tim Allen's character on this sitcom is to his character on his previous ABC sitcom then there's just no point in me responding to you, is there? No, there isn't. Hmmph.

But, but, wasn't Last Man Standing cancelled 16 years ago?! Oh, no, I'm thinking of that other Tim Allen show, just like everyone watching Last Man Standing is thinking of that other Tim Allen show, as are all the writers, the producer, ABC, the critics, etc…

I can tell you from my personal experience that Happy Endings, even though it had fine performers and some pretty good jokes, it just didn't have that something extra, something oddly unique which The Mindy Project had in varying amounts, depending which week you caught. I realize Happy Endings had its fanatics, but…

Oh, you prolly know what happened to Van Gogh…

I'm gonna put that in my next blog thinkpiece, "The Culture of Thinking about Thinkpiece Culture."